We have had our Ally since she was 7 weeks old. She was a beautiful baby. She had very large brown eyes that looked at the world, and us, with fear and suspicion. That such a young baby could have these feelings bewildered me. And boy! could that child scream! I wanted to hold her, and comfort her. You know the hold...up on your shoulder while you lovingly rub the head and shoulders, and coo soft words into their ear. Well, that only made Ally very angry! And she would look into my eyes like she was telling me she was the boss of the world, and there wasn't anything I could do about that. I didn't know anything about drugs or their effect on infants in and out of the womb. We were told that Ally was a drug exposed baby, but we were not told how to handle that. Everything we did came straight from the heart of the Heavenly Father. He told me, He guided us, He lead us, He directed us. And it worked. I used lots of love and lots of holding. And I became Ally's "comfy". You know, some kids have blankets, some have dolls, some have teddy bears....Ally had ME. Whenever Ally meets a situation she can't handle, she comes to me. Whenever Ally is afraid of anything, she comes to me. And whenever Ally is in trouble, she comes to me. I hold her, I comfort her, I love her, and I tell her about what she did and why it's wrong behavior. Love never fails. My Heavenly Father says so, so it's true. The first thing I do is love Ally. The next thing I do is explain why it's wrong.
I posted yesterday about Asperger's. That's what the "experts" say about it. I just wanted you to understand what the experts say Asperger's is. The neurologist explained it better to us just this past Monday. He said Asperger's is born and lives in the brain stem. It's conceived there when the infant is in the first trimester of growing in the womb. In the brain stem is where involuntary things are done that we can not control...like our heartbeat, our brain activity, our breathing.
Things that we do all the time without ever thinking about it. So, our Ally has an activity going on in her brain stem that she can NOT control. So when she does something that you don't like, or she says something that you don't like, she doesn't have a clue in this world that what she said or did is not right. In her world it's all about HER, and she doesn't understand when something bothers YOU. Our Ally is the most loving, compassionate, giving person in the world. But she is not always the most considerate, because she doesn't understand YOUR feelings. But as soon as I explain it to her, she will feel real remorse. But by then the YOU have moved on, and YOU have formed an opinion about Ally, and about ME and the way I handle Ally. Well, it's about Ally!!! My job as her mother is to teach her, guide her, direct her into adulthood. And her neurologist and her therapist both say we are doing a great job. Ally has come a long way. Just ask anyone who knew Ally way back when she was under a year old!!
I thank God every day for Ally. She is teaching me patience, and more about myself than I ever could have known without her. I love you, Ally!
3 comments:
OK, well I'll just continue the comment I left from earlier. LOL See? What you did for Ally in those early years is what laid the ground work for her compassion and loving attitude as she aged. It is SO EASY and so human to just lay a crying baby down and say "You are fine, there's nothing wrong with you, you cry if you're up, cry if you're down, so I'll just put you down, or I'll just put you somewhere I can't hear your crying". That's not love and causes further emotional damage and trust problems as they age. They learn NOT to trust anyone even as small, new babies. You LOVED her through those times which created a beautiful, sweet child. God taught you that love that you were able to share with Ally even when it was hard and very very difficult.
Her asperger's you did not create, you just help to make her the best person she could possibly be. I believe with all you're doing for her care, all the EXTRAS she is getting, she will be a well-rounded adult.
Dianne - how you love Ally is how our Heavenly Father loves us. Love can overcome many problems or at least give us a starting point in dealing with the problems. Ally knows who loves her. How lucky you are to have this special little girl in your life!
Dianne..I can relate to so much since grandson Jeremy has also been diagnosed with Asperger's.His second grade teacher adored him and told his mommy that he had the most caring heart of all of the children in her classroom.Whenever a classmate was hurt he was the first one there to comfort the classmates while others just stood back and watched.We saw that first hand when we were with his class for outside water day.One of the classmates fell and Jeremy was right beside the boy holding his hand and telling him that he would be OK.He takes things literally so we can't use figures of speech unless we explain what they mean because he always asks.He was also a very colicy baby and has many sensory issues.
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